I've got some nic-knacks

After returning from Thailand, Bhutan and India I have this really impressive collection of nic-knacks. Oh, dread, I didn't think I was one of "those.
There is a mini prayer wheel, because I have to now spin my prayers as well as recite them out loud and under my breath;
A bronze buddha with his hands over his mouth, "speak no evil" he tells me. This goes with my new concept I am trying out called,
"Be Nice." I have imagined that I have tattooed those words on the inside of my left hand, and when I want to be bitchy or sarcastic, I look there, and sometimes, I hold my tongue. Less apologizing, so I think it is working.
Third, there is Ganesha, the Himdu God/ess of Good luck/fortune; I figured I could use that.

The other stuff is still shackled in wrapped newspaper:

Sayings by The Dalai Lama, a lotus candle holder, hand woven scarfs, silk scarfs, carvings, statues, a key chain, mala beads and necklaces... just as much as I could fit in my suitcase.

Now what?

Christmas

Messy Blog. What to do?

Riding a boat on the Chao Phraya River

was almost flooded when we were there. very close. Lots of floods and Typhoons happening that side of the world last month. We skirted them all, fortunately.

Moonrise in Bangkok

Staying at the historic Oriental Hotel on the banks of the Chao Phraya River.
what a site...

Sunday in the Sky

The bright yellow leaves of fall fell from the trees, and the weather turned from warm to crisp chilling out the evening air so much that one was inclined to shiver. We decided to follow suit. We left our home in Aspen, and the namesake, nearly naked, Aspen trees, for places that promised heat and humidity and languages created from symbols we could not even recognize.
Thailand is a place that is beyond anything I have known. There are parts of a known universe – the climate feels like Hawaii, I have eaten their food and even practiced the ancient style of bodywork that bears the country’s name, but beyond that, the curly style of the Thai alphabet and the sounds that come from the curious and courteous populous are completely foreign.
There is complete chaos outside on the streets and such a relative calm within the confines of the Amanpuri Resort where we relax on the beach, searching out a cloud in the blue sky and digging our feet in the sand.



We are attended to by throngs of eager staff who greet us with a cheerful “Swadee Ka” everywhere we go bringing their hands together into a prayer position in front of their chest, bowing and lowering their eyes. I find myself doing the same; the custom comes easily to me from the “Namaste” spoken and hands together in prayer at the end of each yoga class I teach or take.
My husband and I awoke here in Thailand on Monday with our heads still full of the clouds we were flying over since Friday night.
Sunday, it seems, never happened.
We slept through it hovering over the earth at 35,000 feet and lost it completely due to the 13-hour time difference between Colorado and Thailand.




Sunday in the Sky: it was full of dreams and disasters (I always dream of dying while flying strangely), turbulence and transfers.

What would have happened on that fateful lost Sunday? Is that the day I might have stopped thinking and talking about all my big ideas and I would have started doing something about them? Was it on that lost Sunday that I was going to make the connections I have been wanting to make? Is that the day my forlorn friends would decide to let go of that imaginary space that has been keeping us apart, would the resentment and judgment that we have held for each other have disappeared on the one day that didn’t actually exist in my lifetime?
The day that was lost in the clouds?
Is it possible my family would have figured out a way to find financial security on Sunday?
Is that the day the Japanese agreed to stop slaughtering dolphins or the day that little girls in Thailand, Cambodia and India were freed from the horrors of sex slavery?
Maybe I missed the binding agreement where all the nations of the world readily agreed that climate change was real and that we would all take drastic steps to reduce this evitable warming…
Were zoo animals, journalists and other innocent creatures in captivity freed?

Or, maybe I just slept through another day when I would have been dreaming - whether I was high in the sky or sitting on the earth, awake or asleep - surrounded by my ideas and hopes and my desire to change the world for good, but with the same foggy jet-lagged feeling keeping it from happening.

Maybe.

weather

Living with Intent
not expectations
every day


Imagine an Aspen forest, full of beautiful trees
and assign a loved one to each of those trees
knowing that, as an Aspen forest,
we are separate looking from above
but completely connected underneath

we are one

As you visualize the Aspen forest
imagine snow falling

soft and thick
watch as the snowflakes land on those Aspen trees
soaking in
gathering, building up
falling
melting absorbing and
eventually
flowing towards the sea
through so many rivers and streams

our life's journeys

the snowflakes are the intent

your intent

how do you live?
why do you do what you do?

what do you want?
why?

what are you striving for?

Remember
there could be something infinitely better in store for you
that you never even though of
don't get stuck
just put it out there and allow what is to be

see it

energy moving

visualize those snowflakes, your intent,
falling down on you from above

clarity
peace
compassion
wisdom
strength
success
freedom in thought and action

Be receptive enough to take it in
and let it melt into your skin
and see it falling and falling

infinitely

if it is meant to be
it will be

don't fight it

like the weather

we can't make it snow
but we do know

eventually

those flakes will fall

Intent

I want to live a life of impact and significance

I want to inspire those around me

I want

clarity
compassion
love
respect
peace

in my life
in yours

I want an end to suffering for all beings

I want freedom

for

women
in the world

I want health and happiness for my friends and family
I want Stephanie to be free from cancer
and my brother free to live

I want all the little beings to know
life is not about stuff

not about

"I want",

Ironically.

GG to GM

I am in the Glenwood Mall and I have gotten here very early. No, it is not for a super sale at JC Penney, it’s to wait in line behind 40 people to see the squatty dark-haired woman with her bifocals behind the desk at the DMV and to ask her kindly to change GG to GM. Please, and thank you.

I have grown up with this name, Gina Michele Guarascio, so that is who I am. And now, after a ceremony in the park, I am no longer GG - as I am referred to by many - but GM. Gina Murdock, wife of Mr. Jerry Murdock.

"Hello, it’s Gina Murdock, nice to meet you." Hmm, sounds funny.

"Welcome, Mrs. Murdock," they have said ever since I started dating Jerry and he took me to these wonderfully fancy hotels and on all of his business trips. So, it’s not like I haven’t been getting used to it for a year, but then I had to wait, until he actually “popped the question” and I could decide with a simple “yes” or “no” on that stunning white beach on Necker Island if I really wanted to be Mrs. Murdock or not. Before that day late last year I just toyed with the idea, played with it, dreamed of it, actually.

I remember liking the feeling of it.

So now I am Mrs. Murdock. I think of my mom who was a "so and so" before she became a Guarascio and I wonder how long it took her to get used to it. To me, she was always a Guarascio until I got old enough to know she was actually someone before she married my dad and simply became “mom”.

To me, these days, as I stutter with my new name and have to think through how I say it and how to write it, I can’t imagine ever forgetting this Gina Guarascio, the one before Mr. Murdock and the rest of my life.

If we have kids they will only know me as Gina Michele Murdock and they will only hear about GG and not really know about this girl who was such a student of life and always wondering and kissing people and playing and dressing up. But, what is it to live in the past with these memories of something I’m not. Something that was once human and is now only a story (RIP GG.)

It was a choice, surely, to go to the Social Security office and wait in line to tell them I am no longer me, and to go to the DMV and sit in that cushioned seat warmed by someone else’s butt before me for two hours as I waited for the machine-like people to say #110. It was my choice to send off dozens of letters to all the agencies that pretend to care in very official language saying, “I am no longer that person you knew.” That girl is gone.

I am starting to get over this compulsive urge to explain, to anyone I meet, “I just became a Murdock, really I am a Guarascio. I have been for 33 years.” I realize, no one cares and it’s just a name and I have the same fingerprints and official statements about height and weight on the identification cards, but it just doesn’t look right, that GM, does it?

There are the holdouts too, the ones who write, “I’m still going to call you GG, OK?” and I say, “of course,” like these must be my “real” friends, the only ones who loved the sound of two G’s so much that they won’t let it go, won’t let me go. But, I do feel it is time to go, a little bit. Marriage is about a whole lot more than a name change. It is the melding of traditions, less time with girlfriends and family and even pets, all that all goes to the back of the line, behind that new thing called Mr. Murdock.

It's the new thing that is the most important thing.

I said it out loud and in front of 150 people and because of that, because of those moments infused with ceremony and importance, I am more Murdock now than than Guarascio even after only 30 days. I committed myself to this person and I decided to have faith in him beyond all others, except myself, of course. One must always have faith, and love, for self before others, but the rest of it is the tangle of threads and veins and cartilage and emotions and dancing and striving that makes up a relationship, and no guru’s going to tell you two - the Guarascio/Murdock combination plate special – how to do it.

There is only faith and love and Murdock, from now on.

I lived as GG for 33 years.

And. So. But.

I lived in California for 17 years and now Colorado for 16 years, and even though California’s got one year on me here, I am more Colorado than California (like totally for sure dudes.) I felt that way pretty much the first time I set foot in this state and smelled the freshness and marveled at the blue of the sky and the green of the grass and heard the people who I didn't even know say “hello” and every once in a while, “howdy.” It was a feeling of knowing I was in the right place. And what a crazy and mysterious way I got to this state, I picked a place that I had never heard of to go and live and learn for four years and that turned into 16 years and will most likely turn into forever. But, I knew, and when you know you know.

I think I can say it with a bit more clarity now,

“I am Gina Michele Murdock, good to meet you.”

Because when you know, you know.

Hello Moon

(Point and Shoot cannot even begin to capture this. It was HUGE, really)

The moon stopped by on her way out of town this morning
First thing I saw when I woke up
an enormous glowing orb outside my window
sky pink
mountains white, already bright
I could see all the craters and shadows on the moon
she was closer than ever
just stopping by
before heading out

see you later. Moon

True Locals

I sat at the gondola plaza in Aspen today and looking around I saw a sight not usually seen.
Instead of the fur ruffled lace up ski pants and the big boots that look like bear feet, (well actually, I did see that)
I saw several dark skinned people adorned in feathers and intricately beaded headdresses and costumes.
It was the Northern Ute Indians coming from Utah and parts of Colorado to share with us some of their cultural traditions.
We saw the jangle dance, the chicken dance, the hoop dance and a whole bunch of other dances.
All of these dances have some kind of meaning behind them and have been happening for many, many years on the reservations, and before that in places like Aspen.
We don’t much pay attention to the Utes these days unless we are shopping for skis at The Ute Mountaineer or grabbing a burger at The Ute Grill.





Unfortunately, the Utes, like most Native American tribes, were moved out of their homeland years ago
as the settlers moved in.
Some tribes are faring far better than others (The Southern Utes, for example, are doing quite well from oil and gas royalties). The sad truth is, the reservations in America are full of problems, from diabetes to alcoholism to depression.
Luckily, there are still many Native Americans practicing their cultural tradition and even showcasing them to the world.
I had a chance to talk to some of the Utes after their presentation and they were very happy to visit Aspen.
One father told me some of the children are sticking around and learning the dances and ceremonies of the elders.
He said if they grow up with it, as many of them do, it doesn’t matter if they leave the reservation, it is always with them.
There is no doubt that the Natives that I saw here today are more “local” than anyone here in Aspen.

As they said at the end of their performance, “We are glad to be home.”

Welcome home

Dalai Lama on board!

The Dalai Lama has a verified account on Twitter.
You can follow him here: http://twitter.com/DalaiLama


It's easy to sign up. Remember, you will need to verify your account by clicking the link sent to your email after you sign up. It may end up in the spam so keep an eye out.

"On-Boarding" His Holiness on Twitter

For most of us who had an opportunity to meet with His Holiness, the intent of the meeting was to “On-Board” The Dalai Lama on Twitter.

Twitter is a newish phenomenon that is used by millions of people for social, marketing and business purposes. But, the most essential and important use of Twitter, I think, is as a means of cultivating and disseminating information.

When we were presented with the opportunity to meet HHDL, my fiancée Jerry Murdock very quickly had the idea that HHDL should be on Twitter so he could communicate ‘in the moment’ with the millions of people around the world.

Twitter is a tool used on computers on the internet, but even more widely as a tool on the mobile web - cell phones and smart phones, iphone - and in the most simplest form, as a text messaging system with the short code 40404 on any cell phone.

In many developing nations, like India or Africa, the people do not have access to the Internet, but they do have cell phones, even in the most remote areas. Potentially, a person with a cell phone in India could receive a message directly from HHDL via Twitter and then “Retweet” it, or send it out again, so eventually the message could make it into Tibet where the people are particularly starved for a connection to their exiled spiritual leader.

Twitter could potentially be a way around the routine censorship of information in places like China and other areas in the world where the Internet is monitored and regulated; places where people are not free to speak their minds for fear of imprisonment or death. This was certainly the case with the recent revolution in Iran; Twitter played a very important role in organizing people and getting the word out about what was happening.

The founders of Twitter are proponents of the free flow of information in whatever form, and for that reason, the Twitter Team enthusiastically helped introduce the Dalai Lama to the service.
During our meeting, Evan Williams, a founder of Twitter, was able to personally show HHDL how to use Twitter on a new Blackberry that was set up and donated for this purpose.

HHDL said technology is very important to help people connect and to realize that we are all one and we are all connected. He said, “This is a very good thing.”

According to Jerry Murdock, who has spent his entire career following and investing in technology companies,
“Technology is neutral. It is neither good nor bad. It depends how you use it.”
I think this statement is true on many levels. I have heard many parents in general lamenting the loss of connection with their children who are constantly connected to others through Facebook or texting, but not necessarily present at home or out with the family. For many people, this is seen as a negative consequence of mobile technology, in particular (negative for the parents, but seen as a positive to the kids who can tune out annoying parents, for example;-)
But, take that same technology and apply it in this instance to the possibility of His Holiness connecting with millions of people instantaneously through Twitter, Facebook or texting and it seems like a very positive adaption of the same technology. In the case of parents and kids, the technology creates distance, and in the case of HHDL, or even President Obama, it creates a sense of connection between people.

It is humans who are attaching value, good or bad, to these mechanisms. I think in the case of Twitter, there is an enormous potential for good, through the instantaneous free flow of information and through the potential for more first person accounts of news and information. As Jerry Murdock often says, “Would you rather get your news from Rupert Murdoch or from your own sources that you trust?”

Twitter takes some getting used to and it certainly isn’t excessively user friendly at first. Most people I know have a Twitter account, but are not active users. It takes some times to curate the content on Twitter and to find information that is valuable to you. There is a lot of junk on Twitter, just like there is all over the web. Once you start finding relevant people to “follow”, who you trust, Twitter is an invaluable tool for communication and for gathering information for people who are high and low tech all over the world.

It is my hope that The Dalai Lama and his staff will nurture the seed we planted this weekend and start using Twitter in the near future. I, for one, will be one of his first followers.

(Look for a verified account, as there are many impersonators out there.)

HHDL 2

For some reason, I got a chance to meet the 14th Dalai Lama last weekend. It was a quick visit in between shopping for a wedding dress, a lunch meeting and catching up with all sorts of friends and family. For me, it was a treat, a special occasion. Out of anyone in the world, I believe in His Holiness. It was a very special opportunity for me, but nothing at all compared to the people of Tibet who will likely never lay eyes on this spiritual man, a “simple monk”, as he calls himself, who is more influential than almost any other leader in the world.

“Invariably almost the entire population of Lhasa, the capital, came to catch a glimpse of me whenever I went out,” The Dalai Lama writes in his Autobiography “Freedom in Exile”. “There was an awed silence and often there were tears as people lowered their heads or prostrated themselves on the ground when I passed.

“It was a life very different to the one I had known as a small boy,” he continued. “I was born on July 6, 1935 and named Lhamo Thondup. This means, literally, ‘Wish-Fulfilling Goddess’.”

The 14th Dalai Lama was born in a small and poor settlement farmed by nomads; his family was one of a handful making a precarious living off the land.

And here he is in 2010, in Beverly Hills, with lines of people waiting to see him and an entire amphitheater waiting downtown.

What are we are yearning to hear from this man?

A simple monk
A simple message

We Are One
Be Kind to Each Other

“The best medicine is a compassionate mind,” he said. “It relieves stress and makes you feel better… and it’s free,” His Holiness says to us with a smile and a glimmer in his small dark eyes.

Oh, why and how could any country, regime, dictatorship call this being a parasite as the Chinese have done?

The Dalai Lama fled Tibet in 1959 thinking he could better serve his people outside of his country that was invaded by The People’s Republic of China in 1949. His Holiness writes in his autobiography, about the remarkable way of life of the Tibetan people and how much worth preserving has been lost forever.

But, he does not live in the past or cast blame, he says: do something, make an effort.

And we will.

We Are One

Sunday.

We gathered anxiously in the hallway of the posh Beverly Hills hotel where His Holiness The 14th Dalai Lama was staying before his public talk later that day. The metal detectors hovered over our bodies, men with ear pieces in walked busily back and forth, there were to be no photos in the hallway, they kindly requested.
We were giddy with: excitement, nervousness, anticipation, questions.
I wanted to ask His Holiness, “What can we do???
How can we make the world a better place??
Why is there so much intolerance, violence, oppression?
How does he find “Freedom in Exile” as the title of his autobiography suggests?
How can we understand each other more, love each other more?”

He is a spiritual leader. He will have some advice for those of us who constantly wonder, but are not doing enough, ever.

What will he say? Will I have a chance to ask? Will he look me in the eye? Will he recognize the spirit inside these jeans and under this shirt?

Will he…??

Then there is laughter, it sounds as if it is coming from a bottomless well
His Holiness takes my hand in his
He looks me in the eye
He is laughing from a place I have not been, yet
I have no questions
But I know where I am going

Inside
To where the sky is blue and the sun is shining regardless of the chaos of our physical world
Inside

His laughter
An invitation to visit

And when he speaks, I know he heard what I wondered, because it is what we all wonder, those of us who want, more than anything,
Peace,
In the world
And peace
Within


He tells us, the most important thing to know, is that we are all one. That is the elemental bottom layer of everything. We are all one… It is in the next “level” so to say, that we get into all of these divisive qualities of humanity: race, creed, color, socio-economics, politics, brands, categories, guilt, pleasure, pressure, expectations…

We are all one
That is the number one thing the Dalai Lama said again and again

How do we help to realize this, we ask.

His Holiness hesitates not,

“Education and awareness”

That is the answer

“And we must all make an effort,” he adds. Looking at each of us.

What are you going to do?

June 20

There is something about June 20th, 2010

It is not on the earth, though we will celebrate it there
It is up in the sky
And beyond
It is the time
When
The stars will acknowledge
More powerfully than any other time
In this first decade of the “new millennium”
That a certain girl and a certain boy
A man and woman
Are colliding in love and creating
A new life

A Taurus
A Scorpio

Together

Forever

Like the sun and the moon

Raindrop

Raindrops fall down a glass window
Magnifying the words as they slide down
Dripping over the letters

“Best steak ever, melt in your mouth”
“buy one now!”

It almost works, but instead I move on and think:

“How can I be a raindrop?”
“How can I magnify?”

Let me slide over your heart
And see what happens.

(If you allow it,
I am more than a raindrop
I am a waterfall)

Avatar Part 2

Believe in the power of your dreams

Yesterday, as I drove into town, I knew I would get a certain parking space.
I saw it in my mind long before I turned the corner and saw it waiting for me
(I smiled)
That space is never open
Right at the base of the Gondola
I pulled in and thought nothing of it, really
Then I decided to acknowledge
That, as simple as it was,
I was tapping into a greater force with that
Little premonition
And I decided to think of all the times something so little
and
Seemingly insignificant
Happened
And I thought nothing of it.

I decided to start
Thinking
And believing
In the power of dreams

Soon, I can fly

Avatar made me sick

I liked the 3D glasses, actually, pretty stylish.
I liked the whole hoop-la of putting them on at the right time and the anticipation of entering this new world of fantasy I had heard so much about.
But, honestly, I didn’t like wearing the glasses for long and I wanted to take them off. I didn’t really love the 3D effects, and I was disappointed; I had big expectations.
And now I see all these new movies coming out in 3D, too.
It is an amazing technology, that’s for sure. I can equate it to something like Hoover Dam. I marveled at it when I saw it - this massive concave wall of concrete capturing the mighty Colorado River - but I didn’t like it.
So, as with a dam, I am impressed with the technology of it, but not the purpose.
I’d rather leave the 3D to the quaking Aspen leaves outside my window right now and to that handsome man’s face standing in front of me.

The story line of Avatar was somewhat predictable, or maybe I just waited too long to see it.
The effects and the affect were powerful.
I was completely mesmerized that someone could have an idea inside of their mind and make it visual for the rest of us to see. Many times I have had dreams that were so amazing and magical, or so creepy and scary, and the images were completely detailed in my mind, but when going to explain it, or try to recreate it, I fail to get the message across and simply sigh, “if only you could have seen it.” For creating something truly dreamlike, this movie is a success.

I cried during the movie several times. I was moved first by the main character in his wheelchair. It reminded me so much of the hundreds of veterans that come out to Aspen every year to ski in all sorts of specialized equipment. There are Vietnam vets, some old and crusty, many with a drinking problem, and young young young (can you believe how young an 18 year old looks) Iraq or Afghanistan vets, drinking, in pain from nerve damage and not whole, many with missing arms and legs.
Seeing the paralyzed protagonist in the movie reminded me of all that is wrong with war, now and then.
The mentality of “us vs. them” perpetuates and nobody wins.
In so many cases, greed is God.
Who are we really serving?
And why?
That was certainly the case in Avatar, and to a sickening extreme.
But what made me so sick, literally nauseous after the movie, is that
it wasn’t that far from home.
I remember clearly and with such dread when George W. Bush announced the “Shock and Awe” campaign against Iraq in 2003 amidst staggering protests and deceit.
I watched as the imbedded reporters dramatized the story and the news played scenes of bombs over Baghdad again and again and again.
Ratings were huge!
I remember watching the Super Bowl the following year and getting this same sickness when I saw the Neanderthal fans and the over fed, animal-like athletes killing each other on the field. The two sides cheering and even beating themselves up, or their wives, depending on the plays from their team. The halftime show included a patriotic display of fireworks, – shock and awe – out on the field, as America sat divided against two teams - us and them.
And then, another televised event portraying a much more real “game” in Iraq, which people seemed to watch with less interest than the football game. And, of course, the compelling GI Joe Army ads in between both events luring more and more young people into a false sense of adventure and purpose.
The similarities of these two “games” kept me up thinking and wondering, and still does. We continue our War Against Terror and wait with anticipation for another clash on the football field.
We love this plot and Avatar is a classic exaggeration of it portraying “us vs. them” and “good vs. evil.”
The military machine and the corporation are bad in this case, and the people of Pandora are magical, unique and creative beings.
This movie exposes the human condition, in its most magical form -connected to nature and living symbiotically within it - and the exact opposite of that - seek and destroy.
As one character said in the movie, “When someone wants what you have, you become the enemy.”
We see these clashes time and time again – the massacre of the Native Americans in America, the Mayans in Central America, the Incas in Peru, the Aborigines of the jungles, the Tibetans against the Chinese, the constant wars in the Middle East, strip mining for gold over people’s homes in Virginia or polluting the water and air with coal and gas in Colorado, diamonds in Africa, precious metals in Indonesia or India, the walls built, the dictators, the extremists, the dolphins in Japan… In any case, The Natives - human, animal or plant - where ever, when ever, are moved out, enslaved or killed if hey get in the way of profit or the imperialistic or corporate idea of manifest destiny.
In Avatar, there is not too much fantasy in that part of the storyline.
We all can recognize that.
It makes me sick.
The people are killing the plants, the animals and the people of this planet. It does not make sense.
Many of us believe a change is coming, we hope and pray and work towards a more sustainable future, where we respect all living things and get past the policies and procedures that lead us to: coerce, control, conquer and “win.” We believe in diversity and in sustainability, in peace and love.
We also believe in business and the importance of technology, but not at the expense of our connection to the planet and to each other.
Avatar made me sick.
I recognized too many behaviors.
I don’t want the sacred balance of our home, planet earth, and the entire magical universe to be broken down into battles, big or small, of “us vs. them.”
I want to live in a world where people respect life.
It seems like we need a reset button, things are so far gone, interests too far vested to change, but I do believe we can make a difference and be more connected. And we don’t need an Avatar to do it.

We can do it.
We need to:
open our eyes.
We need to:
open our hearts.

What can we do?