We are still cute

Me n' Leah wearing matching embroidered pajamas to the movies in the early 90's. RAD. We though we were safe and that we wouldn't see anyone we knew because we were not at the local theater. Wrong! We are officially nerds... and, fortunately, still friends.

This was funny

Agua Aerobics in Italian


I highly recommend it. It is more fun than you can imagine... really.

The mirror (My 33rd birthday in Tuscany)

I feel a little wasted
From thinking too much
And trying too hard
To become
I should know better
Than to look like that
Than to want
Like that
I should know
That things happen when you least expect it and certainly not,
Not
When you want it
That’s why you have to let go and allow
The universe to guide you
And you can only do that
By listening

Silence


Reflection


Up in the sky there are:
Stars
Millions and millions
Light
Always bright on a night like tonight
Thoughts
Plenty
Silhouettes
Trees, bushes, distant mountains, towns
Sounds
Crickets, kids, quiet
Footsteps
Mine

There is a quarter moon in Tuscany tonight
I need to let go of expectations
Mine

The earth attempts to absorb the weight of me,
But it can’t
Not tonight
There is too much
It cannot be absorbed
It must be lifted. I look up
From left to right (the moon is far right)
From silhouettes to stars to remnants of sunset
I say the words
Let go let go let go let go let go… let god
When I face the moon I feel that instead of the words,
thoughts,
flying out into the universe
They are reflected right back to me.

It is as if I am looking at a mirror
When I see the moon.

I try more words
Looking
Left to right
Allow allow allow allow allow allow
Believe achieve believe achieve believe achieve
Open heart open heart open heart open heart
…
Same feeling
That moon makes me think
I am not speaking out but speaking in
Like a boomerang I hear myself
Talking back to myself
But it is not the me that is standing outside this posh hotel in the middle of Tuscany at night talking to myself (crazy?)
It is the essence of me that lives outside
Always
And especially
With the moon.

I knew it
I know it

I talk to her all the time
But rarely listen to her…
But I want guidance
Remember?
I am letting go
Of expectations
Control
So listening I must
Learning
Kindness and trust
And with that feeling of warmth - the loss of the frustration, judgment and confusion that brought me out here for this consultation –
I say these words
“I love you”
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
Left to right

Silhouettes, stars, silence

As I face the moon, the reflection,
I pause
Letting go, allowing, forgiving, admiring, opening, emerging, breathing
Listening
Silently, I am saying those three words and feel them vibrating back into myself

And just in that moment
When I feel
The connection
The penetrating moon glow gaze that
Speaks deep and without question

A shooting star streaks cross the sky right in front of my eyes
Below the moon
Disappearing into the night
(Is this real??)

It is Love

Montepulciano

This morning I am reminded of the saying,
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.”
I dreamt of sickness - friends and family – and was concerned about real or perceived threats.
There was this dent in my forehead that forms when there is concern.
I hate when I see it and must acknowledge a troubled sleep.
I awaken unusually early to this bright blue sky covered in pink, infinite trees and church bells ringing.
I think of the people I know in the world, and even those I don’t.
I wonder if they will ever have the pleasure of waking up in Italy to the sound of church bells ringing,
and to the vast sky strewn with wisps of pink in those precious moments before the sun reaches over the hill stealing away the night.
It has been raining for almost a week, and the smell of the earth rises headily out of the ground.
I am reminded of the truffles, white and black, and the mushrooms that I have eaten over the last month from Northern France to Southern Italy.
We have traveled many, many miles – by car and by bike, by helicopter and airplane – transported daily from one reality to another.
Ten different hotels, locations, types of food and wine,
all in one month.
Today the birds outside my window remind me of Aspen in the springtime,
so lively and poetic with their songs on this early Sunday morning.
The ground is still wet and I am under this brilliant sky all alone with my thoughts.

X Factor

Last night we ate at Mondo X (pronounced eeex), a convent created by Padre Eligio, a man changing lives. The waiters and cooks and cleaners, all drug addicts, alcoholics. Who knows what else. But now they are dressed in tuxedos and more polite and attentive than anyone, anywhere, ever. There is so much pride evident in every detail of the restaurant – from the food to the décor to the service.
We drink this gorgeous ruby red liquid, Soldera. It is a Brunello like I have been drinking for the last several days in this region, but light like a dancer instead of heavy like a boxer ready to knock you out. Same grapes, similar land, completely different flavor, texture, feeling.
We see a Buddha in the convent which Jerry explains was a gift that someone gave it to Eligio because he reminded them of the Buddha.
One world, one tribe, one people.
Sakyong, Jerry’s Buddhist friend, was here at the convent a few years ago and liked it. It has a good feeling. The best aspect of religion is loving each other and you see that clearly when you see rehabilitation.
Hope.
The world’s religions have so many similarities if we keep the big picture in mind, “Love Thy Neighbor”.
Simple.
To me, being at the convent was like a dream - every flavor and sensation and view and feeling - unique and desirable.
We drive home staring at the Pleiades out of the window in the brightening night sky. A quarter moon, a slice of light, illuminates these ancient stone cities perched on these same hilltops for hundreds of years.
I am reminded of the time as a kid I thought I discovered a new constellation out there as I stared out the car window on a family road trip across the California desert. I worked very hard to keep an eye on it for many hours until I fell asleep. I dreamt about it and planned to tell my parents about my discovery. I visualized how famous I would be and that this group of stars might be named, The Gina Formation. I didn’t know then I was transfixed by the Pleiades, and that 20 years later it would still fill me with this sense of awe and wonder…
even knowing now I wasn’t the first to see it.
This is a beautiful night - my belly, my heart, my spirit - are full.
This is a magical place,
Tuscany.

One moment

Just a moment in time and there would be nothing left of Conterno Barolo or Montfertino, known as the best wine in Italy. We have dinner with the winemaker Roberto in Piamonte, Italy. He is the grandson of Giacommo and the son of Giovanni carrying on a tradition of family winemaking that reaches back to the 1700’s. Same grapes, same land, same line.
Roberto tells us about his grandfather’s restaurant and hostel where anyone was welcome and served. In his broken English he relates the story of this moment in time, this flicker of history, when the Nazi Germans where interrogating his grandfather about who was there, were they housing or feeding any Jews?? They would all be killed. Just in the other room, behind one door where one Nazi soldier stood, there was plenty of evidence of Jews. But his grandfather was quick, Roberto explained, and under this immense pressure of life or death he made a casual and convincing argument that there was nothing back there but storage of food and restaurant supplies. Satisfied, the Nazi’s left without looking behind the door.
One moment
If they would have decided to open the door, for whatever reason, Roberto would not be, this fabulous dinner with white truffles and bottles of the best wine would never have been. As we are driving back from this quaint, family-run restaurant called Art and Oak, I say,
“It is just the difference of that one moment in time that we are here, that there is Conterno wine, that you are here.”
Roberto looks at me and with a slight shift of his head back and forth I see him travel back in time in his mind.

“It is one second, “ He replies.

We have all had our “moments”.

Filter

I am trying to take in as much as I can, to fill myself from the well of love that I know is available to me.
The love is there,
It comes from the earth, the universe, friends and family, from hope and renewal;
it comes from you…
Most importantly, though, it comes
from me.
I want it all.
“It is there, take it,” I hear from somewhere.
“I will,” I say smiling.
I feel it come into me, everyday, every minute, every second
Renewing and revitalizing my soul
But, it’s never enough.
And NOBODY and NOTHING could give me enough
If my filter is dirty
crusted with judgments and doubts, cynicism, anger, resentment, fear
Guilt
You, the earth, the universe,
Will never get through to me
Your love cannot penetrate this barrier I have created,
this plaque, this dirt and grime I’ve made thinking that’s how I should feel.
That is not freedom, Gina.
I know The Love is constant
Like a river flowing.
I see it
I can feel it
But, I am limiting myself.
By not cleaning this “filter”, by not purifying myself to absorb all that there is to take in, I have made a choice…
It is not that you must give me more
Or the earth must give me more
Or everyone else should give me more
It is that I must allow what is there to come in
Invite it daily by being positive and hopeful and free
Breathe, yoga, meditation, visualization…
It is all
Self Love
It is only once I love myself
That I can truly experience what it is to be loved by another
Otherwise
There is never enough water in the well, it will always run short, as it skims off the surface of me, as it beads up and rolls down into the gutter
As I become more permeable, more open
I can easily and effortlessly and happily absorb all the love that is available to me.
And then, of course, I can also give more freely to others as I overflow with this feeling of freedom and love.
As I clean my filter, getting rid of
Judgment
Doubt
Fear
Cynicism
Guilt
I feel the love pour in
As clear and clean and pure
As a mountain stream.
I drink it up and feel,
Finally,
I am nourished.

“If in our daily life we can smile,
if we can be peaceful and happy,
not only we,
but everyone
will profit from it.
This is the most basic kind of peace work.”
Thich Nhat Hanh