Filter

I am trying to take in as much as I can, to fill myself from the well of love that I know is available to me.
The love is there,
It comes from the earth, the universe, friends and family, from hope and renewal;
it comes from you…
Most importantly, though, it comes
from me.
I want it all.
“It is there, take it,” I hear from somewhere.
“I will,” I say smiling.
I feel it come into me, everyday, every minute, every second
Renewing and revitalizing my soul
But, it’s never enough.
And NOBODY and NOTHING could give me enough
If my filter is dirty
crusted with judgments and doubts, cynicism, anger, resentment, fear
Guilt
You, the earth, the universe,
Will never get through to me
Your love cannot penetrate this barrier I have created,
this plaque, this dirt and grime I’ve made thinking that’s how I should feel.
That is not freedom, Gina.
I know The Love is constant
Like a river flowing.
I see it
I can feel it
But, I am limiting myself.
By not cleaning this “filter”, by not purifying myself to absorb all that there is to take in, I have made a choice…
It is not that you must give me more
Or the earth must give me more
Or everyone else should give me more
It is that I must allow what is there to come in
Invite it daily by being positive and hopeful and free
Breathe, yoga, meditation, visualization…
It is all
Self Love
It is only once I love myself
That I can truly experience what it is to be loved by another
Otherwise
There is never enough water in the well, it will always run short, as it skims off the surface of me, as it beads up and rolls down into the gutter
As I become more permeable, more open
I can easily and effortlessly and happily absorb all the love that is available to me.
And then, of course, I can also give more freely to others as I overflow with this feeling of freedom and love.
As I clean my filter, getting rid of
Judgment
Doubt
Fear
Cynicism
Guilt
I feel the love pour in
As clear and clean and pure
As a mountain stream.
I drink it up and feel,
Finally,
I am nourished.

“If in our daily life we can smile,
if we can be peaceful and happy,
not only we,
but everyone
will profit from it.
This is the most basic kind of peace work.”
Thich Nhat Hanh