The mirror (My 33rd birthday in Tuscany)

I feel a little wasted
From thinking too much
And trying too hard
To become
I should know better
Than to look like that
Than to want
Like that
I should know
That things happen when you least expect it and certainly not,
Not
When you want it
That’s why you have to let go and allow
The universe to guide you
And you can only do that
By listening

Silence


Reflection


Up in the sky there are:
Stars
Millions and millions
Light
Always bright on a night like tonight
Thoughts
Plenty
Silhouettes
Trees, bushes, distant mountains, towns
Sounds
Crickets, kids, quiet
Footsteps
Mine

There is a quarter moon in Tuscany tonight
I need to let go of expectations
Mine

The earth attempts to absorb the weight of me,
But it can’t
Not tonight
There is too much
It cannot be absorbed
It must be lifted. I look up
From left to right (the moon is far right)
From silhouettes to stars to remnants of sunset
I say the words
Let go let go let go let go let go… let god
When I face the moon I feel that instead of the words,
thoughts,
flying out into the universe
They are reflected right back to me.

It is as if I am looking at a mirror
When I see the moon.

I try more words
Looking
Left to right
Allow allow allow allow allow allow
Believe achieve believe achieve believe achieve
Open heart open heart open heart open heart
…
Same feeling
That moon makes me think
I am not speaking out but speaking in
Like a boomerang I hear myself
Talking back to myself
But it is not the me that is standing outside this posh hotel in the middle of Tuscany at night talking to myself (crazy?)
It is the essence of me that lives outside
Always
And especially
With the moon.

I knew it
I know it

I talk to her all the time
But rarely listen to her…
But I want guidance
Remember?
I am letting go
Of expectations
Control
So listening I must
Learning
Kindness and trust
And with that feeling of warmth - the loss of the frustration, judgment and confusion that brought me out here for this consultation –
I say these words
“I love you”
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you
Left to right

Silhouettes, stars, silence

As I face the moon, the reflection,
I pause
Letting go, allowing, forgiving, admiring, opening, emerging, breathing
Listening
Silently, I am saying those three words and feel them vibrating back into myself

And just in that moment
When I feel
The connection
The penetrating moon glow gaze that
Speaks deep and without question

A shooting star streaks cross the sky right in front of my eyes
Below the moon
Disappearing into the night
(Is this real??)

It is Love