breathe, sweets

Nov. 10 or so –


What does it mean to be floating out in the sea clinging to a tiny life boat?
You’ve done it to yourself, cast your self away for a chance to discover something truly epic, something that will feed you for years to come; or so you think.
There you are, drifting almost aimlessly, taking strokes every now and then to propel you one way, away from the place you came. It is a futile attempt because in your heart you know, a wave, or maybe just a gentle current will bring you back to where you were.
Defeat.
You must paddle harder.
Struggle harder.
But the craft isn’t even sea worthy, your mind falters. You are becoming weak, muscles complain and become stiff. You are losing faith, becoming confused about the task at hand, what you are doing and why. The person you were about to become is getting lost in the horizon, sinking like the setting sun as you drift aimlessly in the sea.
LOST.
Looking for something, grasping at the water that sifts easily through your fingertips, mocking you.
Where is the strength God gave you the pleasure of seeing for just a split moment, the vision that propelled you into the great sea with nothing but hope, ambition, strength, power.
Power.
You are afraid to realize your power. You almost just let it go. But now that you are in the middle of the sea, letting go doesn’t just mean deflating yourself again, living like the rest, it means death, drowning.
Sorrow.
The sun rises now, you squint your eyes as the golden rays invade you, filling you, giving you another glimpse of who you are and what is inside of you.
The boat is not sea worthy, you are feeling exhausted, a wave is building far off in India that will travel thousands of miles to sweep you away.
You are helpless, hopeless, floating with no direction,
no chance.
Then you remember something, just the sweet smile of a friend with penetrating knowing eyes.
You set your mind compass to where you want to go. You decide how you will get there, smiling back at your minds eye. Whispering thank you.
Then you are free.
The boat is left behind, the girl becomes one with the ocean forgetting about where and when, merging with the water.
Now she understands that there is no separation, we are all one - force, spirit, destination. There is no golden paradise no matter how long or hard you paddle. There is only the salt of the sea suckling your infant mass, the sticky air surrounding you, the sunshine caressing you and warming your chicken skin and the volatile earth energy awakening you like an insistent lover in the night…
these forces waiting for you to realize there is nowhere to go but under.
Breathe, sweets, breathe.