The "Dialogue"

From the talent show Fall 2007 in Hawaii
written and performed, against better judgement,
by Gina Guarascio with Cindy Bernath as "Mom".
NOTE : Please do NOT reprint without permission from me -
ginabeanag@yahoo.com

KID –
Mama, give me money. I want to charge my body
forward and roll forward like a wheel.
I’ve got to go to the mall.
There’s a cute guy there who’s got a big
“T” on his nametag for TOM. I want to think very
deeply about his standing knee. I want to put our
hands/palms together, interlocked fingers.

MOM –
You’re taking a BIG STEP here. Why don’t you
bounce and bounce and bounce on over there on a
motorcycle ride. If you’re lucky he’ll be into you so
you can get your two little baby fingers touching each
other side by side. If all goes well, maybe we’ll have
a marriage between your heart and his lungs.

KID –
I don’t even know if he likes me, but it’s mind
over the matter. I guess if I can’t grab his heel,
maybe I can at least grab the outside of his foot.
Now, give me the money, I’ve got to go…

MOM –
Absolutely freeze there. Don’t move. Don’t even
blink your eyes.

KID –
Whoa, take it easy honey.
Excuse me for living. Why don’t you take a deep
breath, sit down Japanese style… and chill out. Maybe
try the half tortoise pose. You know you can get more
relaxation in 30 seconds than in eight hours of sleep.
Good things come in small packages.

MOM –
Don’t try to distract me missy.
Listen: If you’re late it’s over
and then it’s “welcome to the torture chamber.” Be
home by midnight.
Listen up, Linda,
I don’t care if this “T” as in Tom is prince charming.
I don’t want to see my perfect “L” as in Linda upside down.
Don’t let him get you in a 90-degree angle. He probably knows
you’re a beginner, but don’t let him tell you you need
to open up your knees a little bit, even if it hurts.

KID –
Don’t worry. I won’t let him touch his heel
“H-E-E-L” to my costume. What kind of girl do you
think I am? Anyway, he said he only has one leg like a
Cobra, (or was it a third leg?) I think he’s harmless.
But I kind of hope he’s not. I’m sick of all this
mental masturbation. Even if I have to struggle a
little bit harder, I’m going to get his attention.

MOM –
Don’t Give Up!

KID –
Maybe if I turn my hips 1-2-3-4-5 beyond my flexibility
 he’ll notice me I can touch that Cobra and finally start living!!!
Just think of it!!

MOM –
Just remember, if he’s a double jerk, just sit up and walk away.
If he hasn’t been
doing yoga, his cobra will feel like dead meat that’s
been sitting in cold storage. BUT if you like him, let
him put your hips on the wall behind you and then "you
go down."
Pretend he’s pulling your hair toward the
ceiling or choking your throat. I always like that...
and it’s better if you keep your EYES OPEN.
Most importantly, once his “leg” is locked solid like a
lamppost,
DON’T LOSE THE GRIP!
Men are more slippery than Japanese unagi.
You look away for one second and
they’re sleeping with the typewriter…

KID –
Thanks, I’ll be back before midnight with my happy
smiling face.

MOM -
And don’t forget to feed the English Bulldog
and Bengal Tiger before you go.